Pemberley Ponderings
by missmcweir
Summary: The honoured reader will find that the summer travel did not, except for a slight tan, disturb our dear Lizzie, and that it might, had it not been for an unfortunate affair, have provided a change of heart... But who is better to tell than poor Mr. Darcy?


_**Disclaimer: **I cannot even attempt to write like Jane. This is merely a tribute to the beauty of her own stories, and a harmless attempt to fill slight gaps one would give so much to see filled._

_**Author's Note: **This is more based on the book than the 1995 A & E version. It takes places during Elizabeth's summer travel and her encounter with the improved Darcy at Pemberley, and describes his thoughts upon encountering her again, and her sudden departure due to "urgent business"……_

Fitzwilliam Darcy was delighted. Never even his remotest dreams would he have dared to hope to ever receive one of Elizabeth's smiles, not after what happened in Kent, when he had behaved like a selfish fool. Yet here she was, within five miles of Pemberley, laughing, talking, singing…

He had been stunned when he saw her, having travelled from London on horse, finally reaching the shady grounds, strolling towards his home, the phantasm that haunted his dreams stood right opposite him, as flustered as himself. Remembering his good resolutions to show her his better side, he had managed to utter a few questions, before embarrassment had taken over and he hastily excused himself.

He regretted leaving her almost immediately, and hastily dressed in a fresh shirt and a new coat, directing his manservant to order some refreshments into the parlour. If he had any luck, she would still be on the grounds…

Maybe he would be able to talk to her some more, he needed to make haste. Darcy almost ran out of the house, and his hopes were not deceived – Elizabeth was still there, although she was just about to be handed into the carriage. He inquired as to whether she was displeased with Pemberley, meaning, in secret, whether she was displeased to see him again. After all, how could it be different?

To his surprise, she liked Pemberley, liked it very much indeed. He had to use this one chance fate had offered and prove himself worthy of his reputation and more importantly, her acquaintance. Trying to hide his awkwardness, he started to converse with his beloved Lizzie, and soon enough after the introductions, with her aunt and uncle, whom he was pleased to find intelligent and well-bred. Elegant, yet sensible, they honoured Elizabeth much more in contraire to the allusions he had expressed in Kent, of which he grew more and more ashamed. In order to make up for his past hideous behaviour, he invited Mr. Gardiner to come fishing with him, hoping that this gesture of respect would be appreciated by the party. It was, and even though it did not lead them into entering the house again, he could start his preparations for the upcoming party in the good spirits the knowledge of Elizabeth's good-will must inspire. He hadn't been able to disguise this pleasure before his sister, whose introduction to Elizabeth he anticipated strongly, and towards Bingley, who, upon hearing of her presence, could not refrain from building up hopes to hear news of her, not only by herself, most beloved sister. He immediately claimed his place in the party, which was too leave for Lambton the very next morning.

It had been a good, though restless night, filled with anticipation of the approaching morning. Darcy got up early and dressed with special care, and after descending for breakfast, was rather astonished to find Bingley, known for being a long sleeper, fully dressed and eager to leave. Georgiana descended shortly after, and they decided to call for the carriage immediately, lest their time should be filled with restless and useless considerations, augmenting everyone's nervousity. Darcy was rather glad that Bingley's sisters were still upstairs, and that they were spared biting remarks.

The carriage soon arrived, and they mounted quickly. The atmosphere was rather strained: Darcy and Bingley had enough to ponder to submit any comments, and Georgiana was busy in calming down her nervousity and in composing herself.

Elizabeth had been surprised to the party from Pemberley arrive so early and in such numbers. Darcy had asked permission to call on her and introduce his sister, and it had been easy to oblige him, but she had not expected to meet her so soon after the long travel from London she had just been subjected to. It clearly was a compliment, on Georgiana's part as well as her brothers, and she gratefully accepted it. She was delighted to meet her, and Bingley again, happy to detect his awkward questioning on her sister's behalf.

And Darcy was just as surprised as her, or so it seemed. He was rather amused to see Bingley struggling for information, yet trying to hide it, however failing miserably. On the other hand, knowing that a dear friend was, in this point, afraid of him and his influence was a very painful experience. Maybe Elizabeth had been right, maybe it had been wrong to separate the two. How had he been the one to judge the emotions of two totally unconnected persons? Elizabeth's reproaches gained a completely new meaning in the light of Bingley's behaviour during this brief meeting.

He reminded Georgiana of the invitation she was to issue, and Georgiana completed her tasks as Lady of the House slightly nervous, but very amiable. The invitation for the evening was gladly and very gracefully accepted, and everyone was filled with anticipation of the evening that was to bring more conversation and some music.

They had arrived in good time and spirits, and the evening had started just as easy and elegant as Darcy could have wished for. The Gardiners were intelligent observers, and a pleasure to talk to, and Elizabeth was her witty self he had come to admire in Hertfordshire and Kent. Bingley's sisters were at first too astonished to see the guest, and hardly talked during dinner. When the gentlemen had retired from the table, he soon found how well-informed and educated Mr Gardiner was, whose acquaintance he could now deepen, whilst the ladies were taking their coffee in the parlour. Bingley also inquired into business details, eager to learn from a successful and respectable tradesman who had built his fortune just as his father had build his. When it was appropriate to join the ladies again, Darcy was pleased to see, upon entering the parlour, that Mrs Gardiner and Georgiana were deep in conversation, often joined by Lizzie, who was otherwise busy to keep of Bingley's sisters from biting remarks regarding her aunt. As soon as the ladies were aware of the gentlemen, Miss Bingley took her normal coquette posture, having formerly been slumped into the cushion, not hiding boredom and fatigue. Now, she was all charm and wittiness again, at least she tried to. She soon took her place at the piano, and started some concerto in her tone of well-playing without enthusiasm. Soon after she finished, Georgiana was about to be forced into playing, but not forgetting her good breeding, she proposed, that Elizabeth should play first, as she had heard so much about her lovely voice. The infamous sisters had trouble hiding their sneers, but Elizabeth took the place quite composedly and started a small aria from Mozart's "Marriage de Figaro". She sang an English translation, which Darcy appreciated, as the meaning of the lyrics caught his fancy. Did she mean something by it? Not knowing what love is, and where it starts, he knew this feeling so well…. She ended too soon, and after the round of applause, Georgiana was now entreated to play, if she wouldn't sing. She started, and did very well. Elizabeth absently walked into his direction, when Miss Bingley could not hold her frustration any longer and inquired into the whereabouts of certain persons, a certain person in particular. She even dared to mention the name, Wickham, in his parlour. How desperate she must have been. Georgiana, upon hearing the name, stopped dead in her play, insecurely eyeing her brother. Elizabeth had seen it, and hurried back, offering to turn her pages and urging her to play on. He relaxed, as Georgiana started again, but could not bear to look at Miss Bingley, Instead, he caught Lizzie's eye, silently thanking her for helping Georgiana and keeping the secret. She looked back, and in this look he thought to detect some warmer feelings than he had ever inspired in her. She smiled, and he smiled back, and he knew that the letter had taken the intended effect, and that she had, at least in some parts, forgiven him. Maybe she even liked him better by now than he imagined? He quickly forebode these thoughts, fearing that they were once again the result of his overly grand ego.

The party left at an appropriate time, and although Miss Bingley openly welcomed this, Darcy could not but feel the loss of them. Elizabeth had been charming, and in those looks they had exchanged he believed to detect forgiveness for his faults…. Maybe not all, but at least she had proven that she was no longer inclined towards Wickham, and had at least accepted his account of the affair to be the one to be believed. She had once again glown in her inner warmth, her glorious grace, which so far he had only been able to detect towards others. But tonight, he had been the one she shone upon, she enlightened radiantly. Maybe, his chances would not be as deserted as they were last spring, if he asked her to reconsider…

He tossed and turned while trying to find some sleep. She had reclaimed all the parts of his heart she ever had, and even more. Before, her claim had been arch and brusque, but now, the radiancy was added, and he couldn't help falling for her again. He knew she was not cruel, so talking to her again might resolve in bliss… He would go tomorrow and talk… and maybe ask the all-important question.

What a shock it had been upon entering the room, to see Lizzie in tears and agitatedly crumpling some papers in her delicate hands. She looked as unwell as she possibly could, but what frightened him most was her fluttered manner, so despite her normally composed self. He just hoped that she was not seriously ill. In one corner of his mind, the old fear began to wake that her distress might be his doing. He inquired, attempted to be his most civil self to subdue the doubts. And they flew away, when she burst into tears again and repeated the contents of the now crumpled letters. He was devastated. He had been induced to believe that the chapter Wickham, except for his spreading tales, was closed. And yet, there he was again, with all his immense talent for bad timing and for hurting those whom Darcy loved most.

Ruining the family of the woman he, even if secretly, loved - and he knew it most be ruin, unless Wickham would marry Lydia, was the most horrible encounter he had yet to prove himself master of. But – Wickham marry Lydia? The girl he had come to known only as a foolish young girl with wrong principles and no decorum? Married to a man himself so fully unprincipled, and most vicious of character, where she only was a fool? Impossible. Yet, there was nothing else to be done, in order to save her reputation, or what would remain of it once the affair became public, and more importantly, the reputation of her family and sisters.

How could such sensible, sweet girls like Jane and Elizabeth have such a sister? Foolish girl, wrongly instructed. But he realised could not only blame Lydia…

His own sister had once also been charmed by Wickham, imposturous no-good that he was. Had he not been somewhat luckier in his timing than Wickham, Georgiana would have been the disgrace. And yet, maybe it was once again supposed to be Wickham's bad luck and timing that he should be one of the first to learn about the elopement. He needed to act soon, before they were beyond reach and rescue. But where to find them – they could be almost everywhere by now. It had been almost a week since the elopement took place, and if they had wanted to escape permanently, they would have by now. He might be able to trace them through his connections and Wickham's acquaintances he knew of. Apparently, they had not gone beyond London, a most reasonable choice for two such silly persons. Where else could they be so well hidden than in a town full of suspicious characters, and quarters full of unrecognised?

Maybe, if he was very lucky, he might be able to save as much of Lydia's honour as possible, and to help the Bennett's just as he had been able to save Georgiana. Lydia could not be fully restored, but at least in some circles, far off from old acquaintances, she might be respected for once. The decision was taken; all his former plans had to be postponed to more fortunate times. Elizabeth was not a " damsel in distress", but this were fields in which society left no other choice but to depend on him and other well-meaning to rescue her…To show Elizabeth his full respect, and his care, he needed to be gone as soon as possible and find them. Restore order and decorum, a new aim for him. Help them find their way back into society, support them, and show Elizabeth that he was not too high to associate with such characters, that he did care about the feelings of others. He needed to be gone, to save a chance for his future, his reputation, and the respect he believed to have gained in the last days. Maybe it had not been meant to be – to be asking her when he knew that he was not fully forgiven, in what regarded Jane and Bingley… Maybe this incident had spared him from being refused again, and instead offered him the chance to heal all his former faults and prove himself worthy.

He went abruptly, fearing that a prolonged stay with her might lead to affirmations, which, given the situation and the previous events, could not be welcome. His head full with the details of the rescue, he went, knowing he should conquer this…

Finis

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